Archbishop of Catterbury

So my mother wrote a post for this Friday Five thing, and I figured if a hooman can do it, I can too.  I just had to convince her to type it up for me, since I don’t have those opposable thumb thingies.  It’s okay – that’s why I have staff here, to take care of menial chores like typing.

So the question is, what five things must the staff bring for me when they travel?

And my answer is, hrmph!  They never take me on trips any more!  I got to go on one trip when I was just a baby, not much bigger than Esther is now.  The staff went to Gatlinburg, TN, to stay in a condo for a week and see all the sights.  One time along the drive there, they stopped for lunch, and gave me some water when they finished.  The hoomans in the car next to us said I was just the cutest thing they’d ever seen.  Well, of course!  I was a kitten!  Everybody knows kittens are adorable.  I mean, really!  I spent all the time there in the condo, and the hoomans and their children came in and went out.  I slept on the little girl’s bed, and she liked that a lot.  It was weird to have my litter box in a different place, and my food and water, but mama was nice enough to show me where they were.  There were great big windows that went all the way down to the floor.  Those silly hoomans called them doors, but I know what windows are!  You can’t see through doors, you silly hoomans!  Sheesh!

Anyway, so if I got to go on a trip again, I guess what I would have to take with me would be…

1. Staff.  I mean, of course!  I can’t open those cans of food by myself!  And who would be there to pet me and brush me and call me the prettiest kitty in the world?  That’s right – at least one hooman would have to come with me.
2. Foods.  It’s fun to chase flies or to munch on houseplants, but they always make my tummy sick.  So I need to bring some of my foods with me so the hooman can give them to me.
3. Definitely not any other kitties!  I get enough of Majesty and Esther as it is – they can stay home and make sure the house is okay while I’m on my trip with my mama.  And then mama doesn’t have any other kitties to pet and brush and coo over; I’ll get all of her attention to myself.  The way it should be.
4. The litterbox.  Mom has this thing about the litterbox.  She’s always cleaning it and scooping out the stuff in it every day.  I guess it’s nice that way.  I don’t like to go in it when it’s all stinky and messy and gross.  I could use the outside, I guess, but then I might get my paws wet or dirty or yucky… and then mama might give me a bath!  No, thank you!
5. My puppy Cinnamon Bun.  When I was a baby kitten, like that brat Esther, mama’s little girl gave me a sweet, soft little puppy-dog she called Cinnamon Bun.  I don’t think Cinnamon Bun was a real dog, because he didn’t smell like one, and he never moved or ate or chased me.  But he was soft and warm and so nice to snuggle with and go to sleep on.  Then one day, the little girl took the puppy back, and I didn’t get to snuggle with him any more.  I thought that was pretty selfish and mean.  So my next hairball went into her shoes.

Okay, so, like, whatever.  I don’t know if anyone will read this.  I kinda figure it’s mostly hoomans on this interweb thing.  Do any of y’all RevGals who are traveling want to bring a kitty with you?  My mama tells me I’m the prettiest kitty ever.  Of course, she says that to Esther and Majesty, too.  Hrmph.